Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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