Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
