The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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