i jhust puked up my retainher.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
