a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
