I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
