college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
the raccoons are back...
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