Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
