There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
