I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
