I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
