When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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