in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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