my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
