Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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