R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i drank out of a bidet.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
