just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
