OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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