There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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