Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
