I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
