I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
