i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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