I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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