I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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