I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
