I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
