u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
