I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think i have two assholes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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