Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
