Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
