Can Purell be used as lube?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
