A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
