Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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