yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
