U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
