i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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