Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize