so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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