you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
