you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
