Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
