whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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