If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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