The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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