you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
