I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
is it fun? or sober?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
