I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
