ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
