The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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