You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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