Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
