So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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