dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
