We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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