my phone needs a breathalizer
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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