I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
