you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
