Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize