Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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