i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Randomize
