i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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