well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
