Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
