You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
