If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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