Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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