Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
